You know who's got a classic mariner's tale?

Dick Van Dyke.

He was on the Craig Ferguson show recently, where he related a classic tale of cetacean neighborliness (or maybe it's just that they want you out of their turf, but are too nice about it to just kill you). Well anyway, he said that one time, back in the old days of longboarding on Virginia Beach, he fell asleep on his board and woke up out of sight of land. He started paddling with the swells and was surprised to be surrounded by fins. For a moment he thought he was about to be eaten by sharks (he probably always thought it would be the ottoman that got him in the end), but lo, it was porpoises, ushers of the sea! He claims that they pushed him all the way in to land. Excellent.

Here's the full interview. Go to 8:20 for the porpoise story. Bonus: Craig Ferguson appears to comment extensively on his own YouTube clips, which I was unaware of.