You know who's got a classic mariner's tale?

Dick Van Dyke.

He was on the Craig Ferguson show recently, where he related a classic tale of cetacean neighborliness (or maybe it's just that they want you out of their turf, but are too nice about it to just kill you). Well anyway, he said that one time, back in the old days of longboarding on Virginia Beach, he fell asleep on his board and woke up out of sight of land. He started paddling with the swells and was surprised to be surrounded by fins. For a moment he thought he was about to be eaten by sharks (he probably always thought it would be the ottoman that got him in the end), but lo, it was porpoises, ushers of the sea! He claims that they pushed him all the way in to land. Excellent.

Here's the full interview. Go to 8:20 for the porpoise story. Bonus: Craig Ferguson appears to comment extensively on his own YouTube clips, which I was unaware of.

Would you throw rocks at an adorable bear cub?

Even if he just wanted your delicious human food and dog and cat food? Oh man.
The guy in the video is very cool about everything. He seems to be aware of what the bear wants, what cuteness is, and the limits of cuteness, yet he chases the kid off pretty well.
Should he have thrown something to really seal the deal? Like the opposite of food, whatever that is?
Also, NJ seems to have maybe the biggest black bear to human ratio of any state. I'm about to go check that, if it's checkable, but for now, I'm laying it down.
NJ=tons of bears.In fact, this is the weird distribution map from a south Jersey newspaper. It tells us almost nothing, except for that bear range seems to be expanding. Double link that tells us nothing.

Who's a better Shining Time Station conductor?

OR

Why didn't anyone tell me?

Marc Bolan had a tv show.


Wanna know how I found out? Well, it's a funny story. I was watching Win, Lose, or Draw on YouTube, so I googled (the host) Burt Convy. This led me to a great site called Find A Death. For some reason I looked up Marc Bolan, I guess because I had no idea why he isn't alive. And now I've seen him fall off a very small stage that also contained David Bowie. Oh, and you should also watch Marc introduce Generation X.

If all the trees fall in the woods and no one goes to hear it, does that stop a girl from getting kidnapped and sold into sex slavery?

Sorry to be a bit trite in the question, but according to a Guardian article, Italian officials are planning on cutting down all of the riparian corridor seen in the image above in order to stop prostitution. A recent (unspecified) NGO found 600 prostitutes along a ten mile stretch of this river road, most of whom were Nigerians, but many of whom were from such places as Brasil, Romania, Albania, and China.

Italy just outlawed street prostitution in 2008. I can't find any mention of whether the forest is where they've always gone, or if it is a new venue in response to fines and jail time for buying and selling sex, but regional public works chief Angelo DiPaolo is suggesting that something has to be done, and his idea is to get rid of the trees. In response, the WWF and two other unspecified environmental groups released a statement which the Guardian reported claimed that the only crime the trees committed was to "offer with their fronds shelter and intimacy to sex slaves." I'm not sure why trees are offering intimacy, but the WWF does have a point. Those trees didn't do anything wrong.

I don't really see why police can't remove or stop a small army of prostitutes from existing somewhere unless there is a partnership between local politicians and crime bosses with ties to international sex-trade. I mean, do they have a bunch of Merry Men or John Rambos guarding the forest? Cutting down the trees seems like a very visible option for a media-hungry politician, and indeed, DiPaolo is known for having once shot at and ran down a bank robber.

The fact is, the river is in an agricultural area. The trees in the small bottomland around the river catch fertilizer and silt runoff from fields. If they cut down these measly but important 69 acres of woodland, it will likely damage the beach-going experience that brings people to the nearby Adriatic resort town of Martinsicuro.

The idea is a failure. If it's a crooked pot-shot at the sex-trade meant to get political favor without angering the crime bosses, it will probably fail by driving away tourists (sex or otherwise) when the beach gets covered in algal blooms and muddy water. If it's a legitimate but short-sighted attempt at stopping sex-trade, then it comes at the possible cost of all tourism to the nearby area, not to mention the loss of a riparian corridor from the mountains to the sea.

How many YouTube videos are there of house cats standing up to black bears?

5. The answer is 5.









Then there's the original, straight off AFV.



Just for good measure...

What's the best way for 12-year-old boys to spend time at sleepovers?

Well... for me it was prank calls, followed by video games or movies. It was effective. With prank calls you can show off by being funny or gross or good at swearing or something. With video games you can show off skills. Movies often have boobs. I have found something that can combine all three of these things. I'm sharing it because it's amusing, sheds light on what the kids today can do, and is one of those internet things that one is unlikely to stumble across unless you're a video game nerd (not being much of a video game nerd, I found it by searching YouTube for videos of international Homer Simpson voices).

Behold: M.U.G.E.N.


You see, it's a fighting game where you can create or download hundreds of characters and backgrounds. It allows kids to settle (in a way) the old bus stop questions of who would win in a fight. Peter Griffin vs. Homer Simpson seems to be a very popular question. I was always a proponent of Steven Seagal vs. anyone. Well, turns out, he would win in a fight versus Godzilla. So, that's settled.

I have no idea how long this has been going on, or what kind of kids (or adults) are making these characters and backgrounds and posting them to YouTube, but if I were a tween right now, I would be all over making hilarious battles. Since I'm an adult, I'll just do the three step internet processing system: snigger, share, and move on.



Also... if boobs are necessary, there are hentai characters available. Just sayin'.